Updated: Oct 17, 2018
We all base our decisions in life on 2 things… Love or Fear. So, it is no doubt we have to ask ourselves the question; “are my decisions based out of love or fear?” In this particular situation, rejection is based on fear. Fear although seems very real to us and the thought of rejection is really scary. Fear is a feeling that comes from our thoughts of our own esteem and self-worth.
Remember, “A thought is only a thought, and a thought can be changed!” ~Louise Hay
We are brought up to live by other's rules – in the home, at school, at work. We're encouraged to fit in and do as we're told - and that means paying a lot of attention to what others think. We're not encouraged to develop our own beliefs - or a strong sense of self. So, when we get rejected it's easy to see how it makes us less confident in, and more uncertain about, ourselves.
Rejection actually has nothing to do with us. It's all about the other person: We or what we're offering doesn't fit what they're looking for in that moment. That's all.
“Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.”
Yes, we may have wanted to be accepted, to be chosen. We feel disappointment. But that doesn't make us a reject. When we allow ourselves to feel rejected - we've given all our power to the other person. No-one can make us feel rejected without our permission...
So, what's the answer? Well…if we had a strong sense of self-worth and who we are, rejection would just be a blip. A rejection might cause us to stop and re-evaluate, but it would not deter or prevent us from moving forwards.
We need to keep focusing on how we feel feelings such as, disappointment, scared, sad, etc. instead of what OTHERS have done to - or think of - us. YOU are the same you after 1 or 100 Rejections.
REMEMBER: Say NO to Rejection and Esteem Your Self!
"You are big enough to face rejection and your fear of failure because you don't take it personally. If anything, you risk even more. You know that while you may be disappointed if you fail, you are doomed if you don't try. This is the price to be paid for living a bigger life. When you believe in yourself, anything is possible." Fiona Harrold
Something more to think about... when someone is rejected nothing actually changes:
For example, if you ask someone to go out on a date with you, before you asked someone out they had no date, and after they have been 'rejected' they still have no date. See, nothing has actually changed!
Our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves are extremely powerful. What ultimately drives us is not logic or 'reality' - but how we think and feel about things. Even what's right in front of our eyes is interpreted according to our beliefs about ourselves and the world.
Here are some tips on changing your thoughts about rejection:
5 reframes - a new way of looking at the situation:
"What has actually changed before and after your Rejection"? Of course it's a trick question; nothing has changed – except that our brains make a big deal about it. Rejection doesn't actually exist - except in our minds.
Just say, "Next!" Jack Canfield's wildly successful book "Chicken Soup for the Soul" (also a TV series) was rejected by 144 publishers before finally being accepted. Walt Disney apparently lost his job at a newspaper because his editor accused him of "having no good ideas." People are the same after 1 or 100 Rejections!
Remember, rejection is simply the asking price for living a richer life! While you may feel disappointed after a rejection, there is something much worse than receiving a rejection – not to have tried.
"How would you feel if you weren't attached to the outcome?" We feel 'rejection' when it's something we really want, but if it's something we don't want we feel less 'rejection' - and may even feel relief or pleasure! Imagine that you are terrified of heights and are NOT picked to join someone doing a parachute jump - would they still feel rejected?
Just because you feel rejected does not mean you are 'a reject'. Remember, just because we FEEL it does NOT make it true! Take time to learn more about your thoughts, feelings and (limiting) beliefs that are within you.
So remember: It's not the rejection itself that hurts, what hurts is the beliefs we have around it - and the stories we then tell ourselves!
We can certainly try to move forward from a rejection and let go, it’s important to dig into how you FEEL. If you’re struggling to deal with the intense emotions that come with rejection, you may need to explore feelings and underlying beliefs further before reframing or moving them into action. This will make a difference.
Sending lots of love, peace, and positive vibes – Sherri Pentzien